


Matters Of The Heart

by loveandwar007



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: A post mid-season finale fic, Drama, Family Feels, Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, for now let me dream okay?, waiting for canon to crush this into dust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 22:12:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8685325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveandwar007/pseuds/loveandwar007
Summary: Star is on the verge of giving up. Her mother refuses to let this defeat her, at the risk of hurting both herself and Marco.





	

_I am not okay_

_That was always out of the question_

_But maybe, given time, I’ll start to mend_

_‘Til then, I’m lost again_

* * *

 

“Call Mom.”

 _“Calling Mom,"_ the wall mirror phone repeated back to her without pause. It was amazing how naturally articulate she was when her typically buoyant personality was subdued. She sounded like a different person. She almost sounded like the heir to a throne.

 _I sound like_ **_her_** _,_ she thought with a bit of a shudder. The glass surface flickered for a moment once the buffering screen cleared, and the poised expressionless face of her mother appeared.

“Star?” There was concern there, a blend of worry and interest in her tone. But Star couldn’t deny the restrained indignation she heard underneath. The queen already knew of the terrible magical catastrophe that had occurred in the Echo Creek cemetery a few days prior. And she knew her daughter was to blame. But despite her disappointment, Moon bit back the prepared admonishment once she saw Star’s face. “What is it?”

“Can...can I come see you?” Star asked quietly. She felt so small, so insignificant in the grand scheme of everything happening around her, and completely powerless to stop it. She really didn’t know where else to turn. Not that she considered her mother a last resort or anything, but she just wasn’t sure if she would understand. Star wasn’t even sure if she herself understood. Her brain felt like mush and her heart felt so bruised it seemed like it would bleed out of her any second. She had never felt so utterly awful before in her life.

“When?” Moon asked.

“Like, right now.”

“Isn’t it late there? I was just about to retire for the night myself.”

“I know.”

“Don’t you have school tomorrow-?”

“Mom _please_ ,” Star implored her, a small crack in her voice. Then she clamped her mouth shut, lowering her dull blue eyes to the floor. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

Moon pressed her lips into a thin line, contemplating her for what was only a few moments but felt like ages. “Alright.” She called over her shoulder, “Manfred!”

“Mm-yes, Madam?”

“Escort the Princess to my chambers.”

Star whirled aside as a portal materialized to her left, blocking the window where the moonlight shone through from view. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she gripped the wand tighter in her hand and stepped through, leaving her bedroom at the Diazes behind.

When she emerged on the other side, she was standing in front of an ornate door she knew all too well. Manfred knocked on it, keeping his nose high in the air.

“Your daughter has arrived, Madam!” Stepping aside, he gestured wordlessly and Star turned the knob leading to her mother's bedroom chamber.

Moon was sitting relaxed in a plush comfy armchair of the most exquisite taste, soaking her feet in a tub of translucent aqua liquid. Her eyes fluttered open as Star approached, sitting up straighter.

“Now what do you have to say, dear?”

She may as well have said _"What do you have to say for yourself?"_ Star hastened her steps forward until she was directly in front of her, a rich dark brown coffee table between them. Without a word, the princess held out the wand and dropped it on the finished surface.

“Star!” her mother exclaimed at the most sacred Butterfly family heirloom being handled so carelessly.

“Take it back.”

The queen stared at her for a moment. She couldn’t say she didn’t know where this was coming from, but she had not expected such a swift immense decision like this being made in such a short amount of time. “I can’t,” she replied.

“You were right.” Star refused to meet her gaze, her fingers twiddling over the lace hem of her turquoise dress. “I can’t handle it.”

“Star, I’m  _incapable_ of taking back the Wand,” Moon clarified matter-of-factly. “Once the crowned Princess is of age for it to pass into her hands, whatever follows is out of my control.”

“Yeah yeah, I know what the ‘royal decree’ is,” Star muttered, rolling her eyes.

“You think this has to do with royal duty?” Moon’s voice rose louder as she sat forward, locking her steely sapphire eyes with her daughter's baby blue ones. “This Wand is rooted in our  _magic_ , Star. The abilities that run through your veins and mine, passed down through centuries of a powerful family name. Power that is greater than any kingdom will ever be - and a power that  _you_ have borne responsibility for since your birth.”

“I don’t want it anymore,” Star’s own words grew a bit stronger now. Her eyes drifted away from hers, and Moon removed her feet from their soak with a splash, letting them drip dry on the carpet as she planted them firmly.

“It doesn’t matter whether you want it or not. You  _are_ the future Queen of Mewni, wielder and protector of the Royal Wand.”

“I dunno if you noticed, Mom,” Star said, her fingers curling tighter around her hem. “But me wielding the Wand got the spellbook stolen by the enemy and almost killed three of my friends.”

Moon took a deep breath and let it out slowly, keeping her mind and tone as collected as possible. “I was recently reminded of the fact that I need to have faith in you. And I do. I believe you will be capable of great things someday.” She shook her head, “But I am extremely angry and _terrified_ at what has happened, Star. With Glossaryck in the hands of the enemy, who knows what could happen now?”

“Bet no Princess messed up _this_ bad before, huh?” Star let out a dark chuckle.

“In all the conflicts of thousands of years of Butterfly rule, I find it hard to believe that this is the _most_ dire. But it does not diminish the gravity of the situation.” She leaned forward over the table between them and pushed the wand back towards Star. “In light of recent events, you need to keep this closer to you than ever before.”

Star shook her head vigorously, her eyes widening in panic. “ _No._ All this happened because of me - because I read Eclipsa’s chapter of the book. The Wand isn't safe with me anymore. Not now that I know I can do terrible things with it! You shouldn’t have faith in me, Mom. You shouldn’t trust me! I-I don’t even trust _myself_ _!”_

Her mother peered into her eyes, surveying her for several agonizing moments as if seeing her for the first time. She didn’t look disapproving or angry, but almost... _saddened_.

“What?” Star asked, biting her lip anxiously.

“It’s gone,” Moon breathed out.

“W-what’s gone?”

“The sparkle in your eyes,” she went on mournfully. “Your optimism, your fortitude, your drive to prove yourself. I know you, Star. And despite how I wouldn’t approve, you would have wasted no time in charging headlong into enemy territory and getting the Book of Spells back.” Moon squinted at Star, her brow furrowing in concern as she noticed tears gathering rapidly in her clouded eyes. She had never seen her only child look so defeated, so completely  _hopeless_. And in a way, this frightened her even more than Glossaryck’s capture.

“Well then I guess you don’t know me that well after all, Mom,” Star shrugged, sliding the wand so far across the table that it collided with Moon’s knees propped against it. “I made up my mind. If these spells keep on hurting people I care about, then I don’t wanna train anymore.”

“What spell of Eclipsa’s did you cast?”

Star hesitated. “It...it was a spying spell,” she whispered truthfully.

Moon gave her a slow nod, trying to understand. “You-you were trying to spy on the enemy?”

“Ha! No, that’s what a _smart_ princess would do.”

“Then who were you spying on?”

Star lowered her eyes, hanging her head until her bangs covered them. It had been easy spitting out the truth, being completely honest with her mother, until now. Her mother, who it turned out _did_ have faith in her, who believed she might have summoned one of the ancient queen’s dark spells for the good of Mewni.

And again, Star had let her down. On a cosmic scale this time, one that could destroy the future of her kingdom. She wasn’t a queen, she wasn't even a princess. She was nothing but a silly little girl.

“Star,  _who were you spying on?"_  Moon repeated firmly. She herself had dabbled in the forbidden chapter of the book when she was younger, despite Glossaryck’s warnings. She knew what that entailed for the wand bearer: A certain state of mind, a weakness in resolve, negative consumption of the mind and heart, brought on by anger, confusion or pain. Or all of the above.

But what could have caused her sweet-natured girl to spiral into such a state?

Her heart leapt in shock as an anguished sob burst from Star’s trembling lips, her face crumbling as she dropped to her knees, burying her head in her arms on the table. Instantly abandoning her evening pampering and leaving the wand lying forgotten, Moon swept around the table and knelt at her side.

“I’m so stupid!” Star wailed, her entire body convulsing so heavily that she was having trouble breathing. “I am so, _so stupid!”_

Moon wordlessly slid her arms around her, pulling her off the table and against her chest. It was not the time for lectures or punishments or reprimanding words for her recklessness. Right now, she needed to be a mother to her daughter. An area she had not always excelled in successfully, but to say she did not try her hardest when the occasion called for it would have been a harsh lie. This was one of those rare occasions.

“Darling…” she murmured as Star clung to her, nails digging into her back, an uncontrollable cascade of tears flowing from her eyes and soaking into Moon’s thin night dress. “Come now, deep breaths.”

“I wanna come h-home,” the princess managed to blubber out, “I-I wanna c-come home, Mom.”

“But why? I thought you loved living on Earth. You’re always so excited when you’re telling me about your friends or your school, all of those strange customs that are so fascinating to you. How much you love Mr. and Mrs. Diaz and Marco--”

Star burst into even louder tears, burrowing herself further into her mother’s embrace. Now even when she heard his name, all she could see was him zooming down the sidewalk on a skateboard in Jackie Lynn Thomas’ arms, looking happier than she’d ever seen him. He’d always dreamed of being with her, and now he was. She had  _wanted_ him to succeed in scoring a date with her, and he _did_. Why wasn’t she happy for him? Why did seeing them together  _hurt so much?_

Her mother, at first taken aback by her sudden heavier outburst, realized that she might have inadvertently found the root of the problem. She reached up and gently combed her nails through Star’s long silky blonde locks as she continued to shudder violently.

“W-wouldn’t you want me back home? In case, y-you know, there was an attack on the c-castle-?”

“If there was an attack on the castle, I would want you as far away from it as possible,” Moon cut her off. “But this doesn’t have to do with any of that, does it?” She put her finger under Star’s chin and tilted her head up, wiping stray tears away. “Star, tell me...what _happened?”_

“I don't _know_ _!_ And if _I_ don't know, there's no way _you_ could know!”

“Try me.” Moon pushed her bangs, tangled and wet, away from her eyes. “For once, Star, try to have faith in _me_.”

So the princess started at the beginning and told her about Marco’s crush, then went on to the dance, the séance in the graveyard, regretting turning down her best friend’s invitation, and the phone calls. Finally, Star told her mother about her magic, how the wand had spiraled out of control and she knew it was her fault somehow.

“I was spying on Marco and Jackie,” she finally confessed, feeling that her mother had stiffened but still kept her arms locked around her. “It was wrong, it was careless and I wasn’t thinking. Ya know, like usual. I-I don’t even know what possessed me to _do_ something like that!”

“I think I have an idea,” Moon said at last, after several long minutes of silent listening. “And it’s something no spellbook can teach you.”

Star snorted, wiping her running nose on her wrist. “Really?” she muttered indignantly.

“Star, do you honestly think I wasn’t a fourteen-year-old girl once? That I have never felt the sting of changed feelings towards someone?”

“W-wait, what?” Suddenly in her mind’s eye, Star was transported back to her bedroom on Earth, laying under the covers with a reading light scrawling down thoughts in her journal. Incoherent, sloppy, half-sleep deprived thoughts of the way Marco’s eyes crinkled when he laughed, hanging on his every word when he went on and on about something he was passionate about, how his hoodie smelled like cinnamon and how she felt warm and protected when he hugged her close. And most of all, how she had destroyed her wand to save his life, because she had found something far more precious to her than magic in him.

Her heart sank, wondering if Jackie appreciated all the little things that made Marco - well, _Marco_ \- as much as she did. And that’s when it hit her.

“I’m...I’m jealous.”

“Mm-hm,” the queen nodded, her face so unreadable that Star couldn’t tell what she was feeling. Satisfaction? Regret? Empathy? “You can train and hone your skills for years and years, but in the end your magic is deeply connected to your emotional state.”

“So how do I make it stop?” Star asked genuinely.

“There’s no ‘stopping’ it - you cannot help how you feel. And to me, it sounds like you feel something a bit more than mere friendship for the boy.” Star’s expression morphed from shock to sorrowful realization, and Moon couldn’t help her heart going out to her. “It may not seem that clear on the surface, but once you dig deeper, you’ll find it’s there. _‘_ _Dip Down_ _’_ , so to speak.”

“No, I can’t. I can’t _love_ Marco like that, I just - no.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause he loves _Jackie_ _!”_ Star cried, pressing her fists to her eyes to futilely stem the fresh flow of thick tears. “That’s how it’s supposed to work! And I’m supposed to be happy for my best friend, and we all just go on like normal! Except I can’t ‘cause for some reason I’m _not_ happy!”

“Life is not that simple,” Moon soothed her as she began to weep softly again. “Nothing will ever be as neat and tidy as you expect it to be. Mewmans and Earth humans have many differences separating them, but not when it comes to matters of the heart. There is nothing wrong with you, Star, I promise.”

“But Glossaryck...and the book...that was all because of these _feelings_.” Star shook her head up at her mother’s pensive face. “Seriously, how are you not disowning me right now?!”

“Because despite this disastrous turn of events and its inevitable link to your envy, despite how angry I am at your frivolous perusal of Queen Eclipsa’s chapter, I still  _love_ you Star. I always have and I always will, no matter what you do. You are a Princess of Mewni, and one day a Queen. But you are first and foremost my daughter. My dear sweet girl...who has fallen for her best friend.”

Star gulped back sobs, leaning against her mother’s chest again. “It hurts,” she whined.

“I know it does,” Moon replied. “And right now, it may feel like the end of the world. But you’re only fourteen, and so is he. The two of you have a lot of growing up to do. And as you grow, perhaps things will work themselves out.”

“But what if they don’t? What if - hypothetically - I tell Marco how I feel and…?” She trailed off, unable to finish.

“Would you forsake him then? Would you leave him to come back here, just to escape your pain?” Moon asked worriedly. “Would you break his heart, much in the same way yours has been?”

“Wha - no! He’s still my best friend and I care about him! I’d _never_ want him to feel as horrible as I feel right now! How could you even think I’d wanna hurt him by leaving without-?!” She stopped running her mouth a mile a minute as a smile spread across her mother’s face. And she got it. “ _Ohhh_...you-you wanted me to say that, didn’t you?”

“A little trick my own mother used on me when I was around your age,” Moon raised her thin eyebrow at her. “But yes, you reacted exactly as I hoped you would.”

“So I guess I should go back and think about when I’m gonna talk to him,” Star sighed in resignation, sitting up from being curled in her mother’s lap.

“I think you should get some much needed rest for now,” Moon countered, knowing full well she might scare Marco with talk of newfound feelings on top of everything else. “And tomorrow, we start strategizing on how we will restore Glossaryck and the Book of Spells to you.”

“You’re gonna help me?” Star asked, her eyes brightening in spite of her broken heart.

“With your mentor missing, it falls to me to guide you,” Moon said, holding her by the shoulders affectionately. “And I accept the challenge wholeheartedly.”

Star wasn’t sure if the term  _“_ _challenge_ _”_ was an endearment or a veiled insult, but she wrapped her mother in tight hug anyway. “Thank you, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you too, my Star,” Moon whispered, planting her lips against the top of her head. They held onto each other silently for a little while, just basking in each other’s warmth, something they hadn’t done since Star was very young. But her mother couldn’t bring herself to let go. Something was looming on the horizon - something dangerous that would put her child’s very life in jeopardy, that could end her reign before it began if she was not properly prepared. And the struggle within Star’s mind and heart seemed to complicate things further. At the moment, it was important to keep her focused.

“What do you think about Marco, Mom?”

Moon stifled an exasperated sigh, pursing her lips. _Tomorrow. Tonight, she needs you_. “Marco...well from what I can gather, I think he loves you very much. I have seen the change in you, Star, and I can’t help thinking that he may have had something to do with that. He keeps your feet on the ground when you fly too far, and in turn it looks like you’ve helped him spread his own wings. The two of you have something very special, and it would pain me to see it wither and die.” To her great relief, Star finally smiled. “But I believe it will blossom beautifully.”

Star pulled away from her to crawl over to the other end of the table, taking the wand up carefully in both hands. She didn’t know what was going to happen the next time she waved it in the air to attack, nor what Ludo had in store for her or even if Glossaryck was cooperating with him. But her mother said she would help. Marco said he would be right by her side. To accomplish the feat at hand, that was all she really needed.

And as for her heart, she would worry about it mending or breaking further when the time arose. For now, they had work to do.

“You know, you can be pretty great when you want to, Mom.”

“And you can be a great young woman when you put your mind to it, Star.” Moon reached over and took one of Star’s hands, holding it gently. “ _And_ your heart.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I had to get my feelings out after that gut-wrenching mid-season finale. This is what I vomited out.
> 
> Kudos are great, but comments are better :)


End file.
